i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
