apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
