Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
