She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
