Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
