I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
