i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
