Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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