Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
