watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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