How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
