I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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