made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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