if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize