At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
