I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
