Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
