I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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