I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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