I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
