I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
