I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
