So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize