You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize