She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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