I wanna passion pit in your ass
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
