the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
