let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
