My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
