I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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