Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
