I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
