I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
