When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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