Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
