i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
