I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
