You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
