Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
