this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
