Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
