I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
