I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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