I smell stomach acid.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
