I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
