He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
