Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
