Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
