I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
