She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
