my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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