porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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