Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
