I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Randomize
