bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize