ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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