Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm getting married
To pizza
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
