so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
