Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
