We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
sex in a hospital.. check
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
