that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
