ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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