You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
