I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize