drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
His nipple licking is glorious
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
