Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize