ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize