Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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