I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
