Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
