But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
