i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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