He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
