i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
