the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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