Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
