I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize